- FEUDALISM
- You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
- PURE SOCIALISM
- You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take
care of all the cows.
- The government gives you as much milk as you need.
- BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
- You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared
for by ex-chicken farmers.
- You have to take care of the chickens the government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as
much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
- FASCISM
- You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you
to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
- PURE COMMUNISM
- You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
- RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
- You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk.
- CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
- You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
- DICTATORSHIP
- You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
- TOTALITARIANISM
- Your have 2 cows. The government takes them and denies they
ever existed. Milk is banned.
- PURE DEMOCRACY
- You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
- REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
- You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone through a vote to
tell you who gets the milk.
- SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY
- You have 2 cows. The government fines you for illegally keeping
2 unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
- AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
- The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
- BRITISH DEMOCRACY
- You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
- BUREAUCRACY
- You have two cows. At first the government regulates
what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it
pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one,
milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it
requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
cows.
- CAPITALISM
- You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull which you use to
breed the other cow as well as every other cow in the area. Then you
start exporting sperm from the bull to emerging markets. After
several years of expansion, your company issues an IPO to be listed
on the NYSE. The SEC eventually intends legal proceedings against
you and your spouse for insider trading. After a lengthy court
battle, you are found guilty and sentenced to 10 years in prison, of
which you actually serve 7 weeks. When you come out of prison, you
buy 2 chickens. Then,....
- HONG KONG CAPITALISM
- You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a
Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by
the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk
back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred.
The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option
on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is
bad.
- ENVIRONMENTALISM
- You have 2 cows. The government bans you from milking or killing
them.
- FEMINISM
- You have 2 cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
- You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol
of the phallo-centric, war-mongerism, intolerant past) 2 differently
aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of unpecified gender.
- COUNTER CULTURE
- Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the
hemp field. You got to have some of this milk!
- BOTULISM
- You have two cows. They get into spoiled grain.....
- PURE ANARCHY
- You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair
price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
- LIBERTARIANISM
- Whatever...
- MONTANA MILITIAISM
- You have two cows, they stampede over a cliff when buzzed by
black helicopters.
- SURREALISM
- You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons. The sun rises in the north on alternate
Tuesdays.
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