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A Selection of Literary References to Dogs Gleaned From the Internet

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."

Unknown

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."

Gene Hill

"In dog years, I'm dead."

Unknown

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

-- Dave Barry

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

- Groucho Marx

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."

- Aldous Huxley

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."

-- Robert Benchley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."

- Sue Murphy

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."

- August Strindberg

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."

- Fran Lebowitz

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"

- Anne Tyler

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

- Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."

Joe Weinstein

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."

- James Thurber

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

- Nora Ephron

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."

- Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

- Robert A. Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."

- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!"

-- Dr. Tom Cat

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."

- Edward Abbey

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."

- Unknown

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."

- Unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."

- Christopher Morley

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."

Josh Billings

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."

- Holbrook Jackson

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."

- Andrew A. Rooney

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

- Unknown

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

- Mark Twain

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."

- Smiley Blanton

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."

- John Steinbeck

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does.

Christopher Morley (1890-1957)

A dog is not `almost human' and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.

John Holmes

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

Dave Barry

My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.

Gerald Solomon (U.S. Representative from New York state)

The dog...commends himself to our favour by affording play to our propensity for mastery and as he is also an item of expense, and commonly serves no industrial purpose, he holds a well assured place in men's regard as a thing of good repute.

T. Veblan

'Tis sweet to hear the watchdog's honest bark
Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home;
'Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark
Our coming, and look brighter when we come.

George Gorden Noel, Lord Byron (1788-1824)

Don Juan. canto I, st. 123

So where's my dinner?.. One of the Great Masters indeed.

Leonardo da Vinci's dog,

The Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson

Respect is when your dog prefers his own food over yours.

D. Keenan

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Scheme not to make what's Another's your own;
Be not a Dog for the sake of a Bone.

Arthur Guiterman (1871-1943)

Quoted in "Leadership" by William Safire & Leonard Safir

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to his level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.

James Thurber (1894-1961)

...he wa'n't no common dog, he wa'n't no mongrel; he was a composite. A composite dog is a dog that's made up of all the valauble qualities that's in the dog breed--kind of a syndicate; and a mongrel is made up of the riffraff that's left over."

Neider's version of Twain's Autobiography. page 180

He cites it as a reading from _Roughing It_ entitled

"His Grandfather's Old Ram."